We’ve yet to hear from God’s Mouthpiece Pat Robertson on just why He (that is, God) decided to spare the Big Apple while coming down so hard on Washington and points west, which are actually going to be smacked again. Look, God, it was funny the first time (well, actually, it wasn’t). But now it’s just getting stale.
X-posted at “my, those paddles tickle!” newly undead Snarkopolitan.
I know we’re not supposed to question the parenting skills of The. Best. Mother. Ever., but after dragging Piper around on the general election campaign trailand the Going Rogue book tour, Mama Bear thinks it’s a good idea to airlift her nine-year-old daughter into Texas to campaign for Rick Perry? Really? Seriously, why was this necessary?
Actual food offerings at the Florida State Fair circa 11:00 o’clock this morning:
I didn’t have fried butter, Oreos or Pepsi—I was still feeling nauseated from eating a funnel cake and riding the Tilt-a-Whirl just prior to spotting this booth. Maybe next year.
Pardon me for enjoying this all a little too much. But since Sarah Palin couldn’t manage pre-screened, canned questions from the friendliest audience since Edger Bergen was in vaudeville, without studying whatever was written on her palm, I am declaring that from now on, hands shall be known as “Wingnut Teleprompters.”
Palinophiles should just be grateful; I could have titled this post something else.
(h/t jeffinfremont)
~~UPDATE * UPDATE~~EXCLUSIVE FROM THE RUMPNEWSROOM
Citing “just being sick and tired of dealing with Mo—you’re not recording this, are you?”, an anonymous source within the Palin campaign slipped us this photo from the Opryland greenroom of what was on Sarah’s hand BEFORE she wiped some of it off!
X-posted at newly revived and thriving Snarkopolitan. Thanks to all the busy bees who helped me!
~~~UPDATE VIDEO BELOW THE FOLD~~~
While Reagan was shamelessly flattered by pundit-class suck-ups as “The Great Communicator,” Sarah Palin is looking more and more like “The Great Regurgitator”—endlessly recycling the same half-dozen lines of puffy, weightless, cold-cereal rhetoric and haphazardly dumping them into every public utterance like styrofoam packing peanuts around a cheap, patriotically-themed snow-globe.
Swami T’Bhag, the Retroactive Prognosticator and Oracle of the Obvious, indicates that we will most certainly encounter the following formulations in tonight’s Keynote Address to the Tea Party Nation:
—The Wisdom of Reagan —Commonsense Solutions —Small Government Serving the Voters —Patriotic Americans/“We the People” —Founding Fathers’ Intent —Midnight Politics/Backroom Deals/Bribery —“The Chicago Way” —Reckless, Out-of-Control Spending —Miranda Rights for Terrorists —Weakening/Undermining America’s National Security —Socialism/Communism (or the new, improved variant “Bolshevik”) —“Trig”
Beyond that, Swami T’Bhag’s vision grows dim, and could use a little more ice and a fresh lime garnish. But he is convinced beyond doubt that Our Lady of the Permanent Fund Dividend will use tonight’s speech to introduce an altogether new and heretofore unheard meme of bullshit bumpersticker boilerplate. Whatever will it be?
If you’re snowed in and looking for a good read Thers has a great suggestion.
Goldberg’s sputtering response to the smackdown of Liberal Fascism and everything he says in it by actual, you know, historians, is priceless. Shorter Goldberg: Why can’t fascism just mean whatever I want it to mean? *whine*.
A lot of folks enjoyed our last Fernwood 2 Night post, so here’s one of the show’s more controversial (and very funny) bits, freshly uploaded to YouTube, from this hard-to-find, grossly underrated 70’s sitcom starring Martin Mull and Fred Willard.
I’ve been following The Washington Independent’s Dave Weigel on Twitter for some time now. It’s been especially fun the past day or so as he’s been assigned the plum Opryland Teabagger Prom assignment.
He’s told us just today that our good buddy Andrew Breitbart is the sane one in an argument between Andrew and Joseph Farah from World Net Daily who spent minutes of a 40 minute speech last night telling the assembled that Barack Obama is not legally eligible for the presidency and whatever other birfer nonsense he spews on a daily basis. This led to a dust-up between Farah and Breitbart that you can read all about here
Some highlights:
It’s self-indulgent, it’s narcissistic, it’s a losing issue,” Breitbart told (WND’s Chelsea) Schilling. “It’s a losing situation. If you don’t have the frigging evidence — raising the question? You can do that to Republicans all day long. You have to disprove that you’re a racist! Forcing them to disprove something is a nightmare.
“It is a winning issue!”
“It’s not a winning issue.”
“It is! It becomes even more of a winning issue when the press abrogates its responsibility–”
“You don’t recognize it as a fundamentally controversial issue that forces a unified group of people to have to break into different parts? It is a schism of the highest order.”
I’m filing this under “Not Bloody Likely in this Version of Reality” [via Poolitico - sorry!]:
“She hasn’t been chosen,” said Dave Rilling, a 76-year-old retiree from Gaffney, S.C. “She’ll have to compete like anyone else,” he said, listing former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal as other potential standard-bearers, and suggesting Palin needs to articulate clearer stances on a wider range of issues.
El Oh El.
Also, you betcha:
Palin also has endeared herself to tea partiers in recent months by endorsing movement candidates including Doug Hoffman of New York and Rand Paul of Kentucky in their congressional primary campaigns against GOP establishment-backed candidates.
This has given me a brilliant idea: Get Sarah Palin to endorse Al Qaida and the Taliban.
The Teabagging/Crisco party in Nashville, TN is shaping up to be everything I hoped it would be. Tom Tancredo, the puke puddle that walks like a man, got things rolling when he joyfully threw away his dog whistle and pulled an air horn out of his capacious ass (via Think Progress):
The opening-night speaker at first ever National Tea Party Convention ripped into President Obama, Sen. John McCain and “the cult of multiculturalism,” asserting that Obama was elected because “we do not have a civics, literacy test before people can vote in this country.”
OK. Granted, this is Tom Tancredo, arguably one of the stupidest vertebrates to ever draw breath in the U.S.H.o.R., even if you count the mice. It is possible this steaming butt nugget doesn’t know the sort of tests he mentions were outlawed by an act of Congress when Tom was about 20 years old.
In other words, if we did things Tom’s way, he wouldn’t be allowed to vote.
Hmm…
Nah.
Anyway, I think Tom knew exactly what he was saying and I’m really glad he said it. The GOP desperately wants to control, or form alliances with, or at least avoid being viciously mauled by the Teabaggers. At the same time they’re trying to convince people that we’re the party of scary radical goons and (my favorite part) convince people like me that I should vote for them because the Democrats are the real racists.
Two-legged ass stains like Tom make this impossible. And they create some awesome political theater along the way.
[xp 300]
*Thnx to YAFB for the correction and saving from the wrath of my French professors.
Despite having served for years as a distinguished Pakistani diplomat, Akbar Zeb reportedly cannot receive accreditation as Pakistan’s ambassador to Saudi Arabia. The reason, apparently, has nothing to do with his credentials, and everything to do with his name—which, in Arabic, translates to “biggest dick.”
Insecure wankers. Just the other day a man named Dick Swett got to ask our president a question.
