Monday, September 06, 2010

Can’t say I blame him, now that everybody who used to complain about Whiny Ass Titty Babies has turned into one. 

Full text of his Milwaukee speech—minus the ad lib—is here.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/06/10 at 04:35 PM
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I knew weeks ahead of time that the Miller Lite World Championship of Cornhole was going to take place on Saturday and Sunday at the Big Sandy Superstore Arena in Huntington, WV. I promised myself I would blog about it on Rumproast. But, somewhere along the line, I got sucked into a maelstrom of deadlines and pre-surgery eyedrop schedules, and totally dropped the bag.

As it turns out, there are no post-tourney reports or press releases. The outcomes at Huntington remain a mystery—and will probably stay that way, at least until Miller or the organizers remember that it’s bad form to let the promotional Web site die once the event is over.

What’s important at the moment is that Creative Class Bloggers understand that Cornhole is to Real America what Absinthe, Alinsky and the Something-Dreaming Game are to the Groundwater-Leaching Model of Progressivism. If you want to understand Beck and Palin, you must first understand Cornhole. Cornhole is the Rosetta Stone of Ultra-Nutbag Conservatism, the Smagardine Tablet of Gingrich Trismegistus.

Getting inside the Cornhole Mentality is a daunting task. There is no textbook, no manual, no Bible of Cornholery. But there is, it seems, a movie trailer…which may be all Ye know on Earth, and all Ye need to know:

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/06/10 at 03:18 PM
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Like millions of other virile American farm-boys, my sexual awakening was triggered by a chance encounter with a Margaret Keane harlequin print hanging next to the fake Spanish sconce in a discount department store “living room” display. 

For the next 45 years, I searched in vain for a real-world woman with irises the size of a Kennedy half-dollar, to no avail…eventually closing out my “wilding” years wifeless, childless and alone.

Naturally, now that you couldn’t pump me up with a glass of Jack and a can of Fix-A-Flat, some ingenious rat-bastard has invented contact lenses that instantly transform any waif-like life-form into All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku Nuku.

But don’t pity me. I got to watch the Moon Landing on live TV, I once touched George Reeves’ Superman costume and I “married” the Mayor of Chengde, Inner Mongolia in exchange for a carton of cigarettes and a free ride to the Hanging Monastery at Hengshan, so it’s not like I haven’t lived. It just would have been nice if Reagan had spent a little less money on “Star Wars” weapon systems and a little more on Big-Eye Kitsch Actualization Technology.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/06/10 at 01:25 PM
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Growing increasingly desperate, and in the absence of anything germane to add to the national discourse, after the tone-setting intemperate outburst last week, Palin‘s Twitter hack has continued the rapid inexorable descent into sub-Benny Hill double entendre:

RT @fredthompson:Obama Econ Adviser:spend more stimulus money.Bet she repeatedly pushes the elevator button trying to make it come faster,2
12:01 PM Sep 2nd via Twitter for BlackBerry® 

Henceforth, in my mind’s ear, every Tweet under the Palin imprimatur will be accompanied by this:

Posted by YAFB on 09/06/10 at 11:27 AM
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My gift to you: An excuse to start drinking right now.

Roy Edroso has a round up of fReichtard musings on The American Working Man and how he should be ground up into hamburger now that his corporate masters no longer want him. Or something. Here’s an excerpt from something called Tim Cavanaugh:

Finally Cavanaugh got to the real reason Gummint shouldn’t extend unemployment benefits: “We’re out of money. So yes, as heartless as it sounds, we should be cutting unemployment even to those fantastically goodhearted people throughout this stout land who are pure as the unsunned snow yet really can’t find a job. It’s not tough love; it’s sad love.”

Happy Labor Day!

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/06/10 at 06:57 AM
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[H/T: HuffPo]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/06/10 at 05:04 AM
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Saturday, September 04, 2010

Dear God,

Can we please skip the bit where the Salahi’s, in a final bid for attention, set themselves on fire, leap out of a plane and free fall into a tank full of sharks?

Thanks,

HTP

p.s. Nice work with the weather today.

read the whole post »

Posted by Hunger Tallest Palin on 09/04/10 at 11:11 PM
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I’m sure National Review Editor Rich Lowry meant well in his New York Post fugue on Glenn Beck’s Tentless Chautauqua Revival on the Capitol Mall. But perhaps it was the perennial pub-deadline trap of staking out a novel, contrarian claim in an oyster bed of commentary that’s already been shucked clean that led him to type this Pearl of Faint Praise:

The much-analyzed speeches at the Glenn Beck Lincoln Memorial rally weren’t as notable as what the estimated 300,000 attendees did: follow instructions, listen quietly to hours of speeches and throw out their trash.

...not unlike, say, the attendees at a Soviet May Day Parade or the rapt crowds at a Fidel Castro talkathon, with venue litter patrols directed by the People’s Committee for Culturally-Correct Beautification and Turf Amelioration, although I doubt those were the parallels Rich intended to invoke. 

Then again, maybe it was the humiliatingly Pee-Wee-ish “He who smelt it dealt it” pose Elite Country Club Conservatives are compelled to strike whenever expedience demands that they flatter their upstart, common-folk allies-of-necessity by attacking their Limousine Liberal counterparts for being, you know, “elite”:

In extremis, Democrats and liberal commentators have dragged the debate over the Tea Party into the well-worn rut of elite condescension to the bourgeois

...as opposed to the Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Delaware and Washington GOP establishments who’ve framed the Tea Party debate in friendlier terms such as “criminal,” “crazy.” “extreme” and “unelectable.”

Could be, too, that Rich is the sort of well-heeled, genteel beau who will dutifully contrive a compliment for even the most repellent blind date: 

To be sure, the Tea Partiers are fiercely anti-establishment, and that produces political candidates who are exotic and unexpected.

...like, for example, the tattooed stripper who just showed up on the veranda of your parents’ vacation house at Hilton Head to announce that you’re her Baby-Daddy. 

Or, quite possibly, Rich has simply popped a major neural pathway trying to reconceptualize his party’s invasion by throngs of RINO-Hating Islamophobic Flag-Fucking Theocratic Birther Conspiracy Nuts as a “teachable moment,” and an admonition to the soon-to-be-enthroned Mutant GOP to eschew the Icarian hubris that drove the Newt Gingrich Congress to fly too close to the sun:

They could do much worse than to take their cue from the Tea Partiers at the Lincoln Memorial, who knew how to make an impression without scaring anyone or trashing the place.

read the whole post »

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/04/10 at 04:04 PM
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Friday, September 03, 2010

As chronicled earlier by Betty Cracker, Jan Brewer did not have a very successful showing in her debate debut.  Following the debacle debate she was confronted by a group of reporters strongly requesting that she clarify her statements regarding decapitated bodies being found in the deserts near the border, evidently the victims of evil illegal immigrants.  By evidently I mean “made up” as no actual evidence of these gruesome crimes has come to light.

So, reluctantly, she has now admitted there was no actual factual basis for making the statements.  They were in fact a, you know, error.  She, so to speak, misspoke.  Lied would be another term for it but she didn’t go there, no indeed.  Because, you know, it could have happened.  Except that it, um, didn’t.  Didn’t happen.

So what would your next step be if you were running for governor and found yourself in that position?  Pledge more transparency as the campaign continued?  Well some people might.  But some people are not are Jan.  Jan’s response is to say “Screw you - no more debates!” to the people of Arizona.  Also, too, the ONLY reason she debated in the first place was because she HAD TO to get a whole bunch of public money for her campaign.  (Nothing wrong with sucking off the teat of the public milk cow when it’s in your own interest, right?)

This lady is so not ready for prime time.

Posted by marindenver on 09/03/10 at 11:44 PM
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This is a tale of a love affair gone bad.  Just a few months ago Republican gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes was the darling of the Colorado tee pees.  Tall, dark and handsome and self-billed as a successful entrepreneur disillusioned with politics as usual; willing to slash state jobs and spending as well as take on de-regulation of the oil & gas industry, he was a tee pees dream candidate.  And that love was requited.  Yes, the coalition of Maes and the tee pees resulted in Maes being catapulted to the top spot on the primary ballot at the state assembly over the formidable Scott McInnis.

It wasn’t too long after that some with a more jaded viewpoint would have said that Maes wasn’t all that he seemed.  For one thing there were all those pesky issues of filing taxes and FEC reports late.  For another, it seemed that he was not, ah, such a successful businessman as he had claimed to be, seeing as how his income had been, well, below the poverty level for several years.  But the tee pees knew that others were just jealous of their man and they believed his assurances that things were not what they seemed and he was truly all they were looking for.

Even when it was revealed that he’d had to pay an annoying $17,500 fine for campaign finance violations (and WHAT a big deal they made out of the fact that he had simply reimbursed himself over $40,000 for mileage, I mean, he DRIVES, right?) and just because the fine was a record amount for the state was no reason to get our panties in a bunch and start doubting the guy.  No the tee pees’ love was true and when you love someone you accept his little, uh, faults and stuff.

read the whole post »

Posted by marindenver on 09/03/10 at 05:30 PM
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Lots o’ Sturm und Drang in the blogosphere over this week’s Vanity Fair piece on la Palin, which portrayed her as a tin-pot Kim Jong-il in a leather skirt and the entire population of Alaska as her haunted, shell-shocked victims.

The piece certainly drove its subject into an ear-splitting snit, prompting her to complain to Sean Hannity about “impotent, limp” reporters—a brandishing of metaphorical hedge-clippers rarely seen even in our thoroughly debased political discourse. (I didn’t catch the show, but if the Fox marketing people were on the ball, that segment was surely followed by a Cialis commercial.)

As for other reax, the Palin oompa-loompas over at Conservatards4Palin did the ritual oompa-loompa dance:

I’m almost speechless at how absolutely disgusting this article is. I understand now why a friend warned I would need to be prayed up before reading it and said she had trouble sleeping after she read it.

Of course, that bunch needs to be “prayed up” to contemplate the possibility of lesser outrages, such as the Great Grizzly Mama confronting the horror of a non-bendy straw at a $125K speaking engagement. So their reaction doesn’t much signify.

read the whole post »

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/03/10 at 11:18 AM
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Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/03/10 at 04:41 AM
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Thursday, September 02, 2010

Chicago dentist William DeJean thinks four years is too long to wait between Routine Electoral Check-Ups, so he’s launching a one-man campaign to draft Hillary Clinton to run for President in 2012.

While many people have questioned his timing, his case for replacing Obama at the top of the Dem ticket is by far the most compelling one I’ve heard to date:

I’m a dentist and I don’t think this country is headed in the right direction.

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/02/10 at 05:06 PM
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But holy fuck, she makes Palin sound like Cicero. If you can watch this short clip without cringing in vicarious shame for a flailing fellow human being—even if she is a crooked, divisive cow—you’re made of sterner stuff than I am:

[H/T: Balloon Juice]

Posted by Betty Cracker on 09/02/10 at 12:08 PM
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Move over, Don Juan Matus. Joe Miller is about to explain the nagual and tonal of the Tea Party’s “Yankee Way of Knowledge.”

He’s well-spoken, went to Yale and wears a suit. Otherwise, he’s a standard-issue Bircher from 1967, pitching 1930s-style nationalist chauvinism, Robber-Barron Rules of prosperity and a denial of the necessity of Global Engagement that became untenable with the invention of radio, the rise of cheap international shipping, the proliferation of computers throughout the developing nations and the discovery that China has a monopoly on the world’s supply of the Rare Earth elements that make all of our gizmos work.

I know it’s only a :90 clip—but, Christ: Does this yokel have any policy positions that don’t boil down to all the Freedom-Good-Obama-Bad power-stones he can fit in his Feathered Bag of Exceptionalism?

Posted by StrangeAppar8us on 09/02/10 at 10:23 AM
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